kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
