I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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