Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
