Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
