i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
