He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Even my vagina gasped.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
