You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
