grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
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I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
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Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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