I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He passed out mid-signature
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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