Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
