Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
