um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
