So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
