I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
