Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
