If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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