Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
