oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
