I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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