I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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