hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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