4 words: hood of his car
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
