He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
