Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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