weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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