I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
