It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
