You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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