I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
