I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
