Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
