Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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