Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
