I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
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I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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