I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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