she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
