her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
