why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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