This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
