The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
