she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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