All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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