worst night to have a conscience
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
