We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize