My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
