Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
