no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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