idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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