this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
