dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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