but the lizard people decide everything anyway
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
