Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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