Sry I called you an 8
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
