Im at strip club and am horny
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize
