I CAN MOONWALK!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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