i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Randomize
