You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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