May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
