im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
