i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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