Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
