If that was your dad, he is hot
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
