Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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