My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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