im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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