so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
there is glitter all over my balls
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