She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
