Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
