I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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