i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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