yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
