I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
